Today was a day in which I was not the best person I could be.
From the outside, maybe it wasn't noticeable, but on the inside, my attitude needed serious adjustment.
I'm not exactly sure what set it off. I think it was the fact I woke up at 6:00a.m. (for no reason) after going to bed late, and when I checked my phone to see what time it was, I saw a missed text message that was not...what I expected....and it made it impossible for me to fall back to sleep.
That was the first thing.
The second thing was that it was rainy outside, and I had company at my house, and I was fretting over everything I did not do on my to-do list--not that there was anything THAT pressing--but all of a sudden, I reached my mercurial limit, and I glowered underneath my oversized sweater and refused to look Nikitas in the eye when he emerged from his room, fully rested on 9 hours of sleep as compared to my 5.5.
"Kalimera, Tzeni!" he said.
I continued to stare at my computer. "Morning," I said flatly.
"Did you post your blog last night?"
"That's good! Are you working on your writing now?"
"No. I've got 100 emails I need to respond to first. And I have no time for creative writing. Ever."
That's the gist of how the morning went. He was very accommodating, reading a book while I made very little progress despite focusing on my computer screen. "Just do whatever you'd do if I weren't here," he said. "I don't want to mess up your routine."
But I was an unpleasant host; our last meal together was coffee and a banana. I didn't even change out of pajamas until 3:00pm when it was time to take him to the bus stop.
It was only after I dropped him off that the realization hit: I am a jerk.
If you asked Nikitas, he might not have thought anything of it. Chances are, in fact, he didn't. But I know my own attitude, and I also know that in contrast, at all times, Nikitas goes out of his way to make sure that I am happy and taken care of. And at a time when I had the opportunity to do the same, I instead made sure I was happy and cared for. It's the Jenny Show, 24/7!
And this is when the prayers of repentance come rushing out. Everything I've just described is the clarity I gained in the twenty minutes after I dropped Nik off, when I could finally see myself from the outside. I went straight to the gym and started running, wishing for a chance to be a better human, when I got a text from Nikitas saying the bus he was supposed to take was overbooked and they were sending for another one.
Estimated time: 25 minutes.
I immediately stopped the treadmill, grabbed my things from the locker room, and drove back to the bus stop. I figured it was better to chance missing him than to continue my workout, and here was the result:
1. His bus was delayed over an hour.
2. Instead of having to wait with strangers who talked about getting into fights with homeless people, he was able to have a friend keep him company, and I was able to have the joy of bonus time together.
That was the highlight of my day.
Epilogue: I'm really grateful that God grants us opportunities to redeem our mistakes. I'm not saying an hour at a bus stop makes up for a morning of being a jerk, but at a time when I was stewing in the waters of regret, I was given a second chance to do the right thing--to stop what I was doing for me in order to do something for someone else.
And that made all the difference.